no one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips

reopened the old entries & started over. gosh high school years...

fin.

grand may day 2006 :]

the maypoles

virginia and her tiara of roses haha

beautiful irene ^^

tiffifer, wo jie jie

mayhole

helen & june, my wonderful koreans :]

the girls of pemwest 3rd, caitlin me sophia ambika & jenna <33

caitlin, me and tu

eating ice cream cones

<3

"Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure.  It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision-it is then that friendship is born, and instantly they stand together in an immense solitude."

c.s. lewis

spring 'o6

:]

would have uploaded more but i reached my 'xanga photo upload limit for the month!'

yesterday our asa had a discussion with two asian women professors, grace kao from upenn and professor takenaka from bryn mawr (both sociology professors).  the discussion we had (we called it 'asian women in academia') about asian women was pretty interesting; about 20ish people came and professor kao kind of dominated the conversation...but that was really ok because she brought up a lot of good points.

Kao basically talked about asian women and the stereotypes that we have in today's world about our women in academia.  She spoke about how we as asian women in college often get lost in what we want for ourselves as well as how to be ourselves in class.  we wanted to know why this was.  marge brought up the point about how a lot of asian female students are often quiet and seem less sure of themselves when speaking up/out in class, and virginia suggested that this only occurs because of the fact that we are brought up to be "good girls," meaning that we're taught to be obedient and to respect our elders.  I thought it also implied that we don't like to make mistakes, thus when we're in class and we're asked a question, or asked to argue against our professors, a guy might answer before us because he doesn't care if he's wrong or right, while we'd rather be right than not be sure of what we're saying.  We generalized that asian women tend to get more lost and/or tonguetied because there are no guidelines to show us what the 'right' answer should be, and since we don't have these boundaries, its harder for us to just randomly voice our own opinions.  We've been conditioned to be more sensitive to being wrong than to be comfortable being ourselves.

Prof Kao also suggested that we as Asian women students also do this a lot more perhaps because we're doing a lot of things to benefit our parents; the guilt trip about how our parents did so much to bring us here/get themselves to the united states to give US a better future makes it seem like going to med school or law school (aka going into a "safe" field of work) seem a small price to pay for the sacrifice they made to get us here.

Asian women supposedly actually make more than Asian men; the statistic that men still make more than women in today's world is actually a 'white' statistic, which i thought was interesting. 

anyway, i thought this was such a worthwhile discussion because i feel like its so easy to lose yourself if you're unsure of what you yourself want.  People's dreams seem to blend and mix into mine a lot; sometimes its because our ideals and our hopes are similar, and other times its because their goals seem much more acceptable and respectable than mine do.  At times i feel really independent and other times i feel like i'm just living for my parents to help feed their dreams of what they think college fullfillment should be about.  i went into college with a certain mindset to not only do well, but to do well for them and in a way that they'd want for me and for themselves if they were in my shoes.  I have so much more than they had and to waste it all by taking "unnecessary" classes or by not taking the most that i possibly could would be a disappointment to them and to myself. 

Yet even though i want to please them, i know what they want from me is not always what I actually want at all; it seems easy for them to tell me to go in one direction because they don't understand the difficulties that i'll have to encounter to do so. "go to med school;" its easy for them to ask that of me because they don't know what its like to try to go to med school right now at this time; the competition is impossibly crazy and the effort it would take me just to be eligible to apply is exhausting.  the irony is that they only tell me to do things like that to help me, so i know i can't be upset at them for wanting more for me. for wanting more from me.  

i wonder if i have grown at all this year; one year in college does not seem like a lot of time, but i actually do feel different from how i was when i started school in august. sometimes i get discouraged though, because i feel like i don't have a better idea of what i actually want from my life here and who i actually am or what i want.  and being in this school, at bryn mawr, a school that is so different from home, i ask myself why i haven't yet decided/realized what i enjoy from what i don't like. 

my problem is that in my mind, practicality always wins over heart; that's how i've always operated and it doesn't seem right.  being realistic is something that i've always done; i never go over the top or push the limits too much so i can stay safe and so that i know where i stand because i'm afraid once i've lost my footing i'll never find safe ground again.  I know the only thing holding me back is that little voice in my head saying be practical versus do something you like.

Our deepest fear is that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There's nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.